Pregnant Chad!
by Martin Lewis
(Written November 11, 2000)

Watching all the news reports, press conferences and briefings by election commission officials - there are so many new words and expressions to learn. Here are some of the new ones which have emerged in the last few days:

Butterfly ballot - A ballot paper so complicated than only a child can understand it

Chad - The piece of ballot card displaced by the pressing of a lever. But to displace it fully - the voter has to be able to bench-press over 250 (ounces)

Hanging chads - A chad that has not been fully punched through. The ballot equivalent of a hangnail.

Light-Test - The holding up of a ballot card to see how much light shines through the chad hole. In Florida the light may be switched on by using "The Clapper."

Sunlight Rule - The rule applied to determine the Light-Test. To keep it non-partisan the Sunlight Test is held in a room with absolutely no sunlight.

The Single Detached Chad Corner Test - It all depends on whether the chad is dimpled or detached.

Hanging Chad - 3 corners detached. The chad is hanging on by a chad thread

Swinging Door Chad - Two corners detached. This chad swings both ways.

Tri-Chad - Only one corner perforated. But it's the 'tort' that counts...

Pregnant Chad - In the words of the Palm Beach County Attorney: "It's a little bit out - but not all the way through" Like being slightly pregnant.

Dimpled Chad - A really cute African girl...

Over-vote - The act of wanting a new president so badly that one votes for two candidates.

Under-vote - A reaction to having ten presidential candidates to choose from. Formerly known as "None of the above"

Ballot-cam - The Florida election commission's constant feed camera in the room where hand counts are taking place. Pretty much like watching the nation's dirty laundry revolving in a washing machine.

Spotty - The name of George W. Bush's cocker spaniel in attendance at informal press conferences. NOT the name of the infected teenage boil under the giant Band-Aid on Dubya's face.